Le sigh...

Doc says Miss Liliana isn't quite ready to come yet, so he can't induce BOOOOOOOO!! So unless she makes her own appearance, no baby for me tomorrow. Seeing him again Monday when he'll decide whether to induce March 5th.

Never a truer word spoken...

I read an interview Irish actor Colin Farrell did and found it extremely close to my heart. Farrells son has Angelman Syndrome, a neuro-genetic disorder that affects ones fine motor skills. His son walked for the first time last year, aged 4. It also affects speech. Of his son Farrell says he is happier than so many people in the world. "I look around and I see people who move perfectly, who walk with grace, who speak with great diction and clarity and a great use of the English language and we're all miserable fuckers – including me, at times. And then I see this fella who doesn't move the way what's perceived to be 'normal' is, and he's as happy as can be." My son was a late talker and often was hard to understand. Our doctor suggested early intervention at age 2. Luckily I had my husband to keep me grounded who said he is what he is and is as happy as can be and it will come. We used to watch other kids, run around speaking perfectly but being absolutely horrible to others and all that spouted from their mouths was hate. My son speaks fairly well now and is still the happiest little boy I know. And I will take that over what is perceived to be normal any day.

Vote For Me!!!

I'm in a pin-up contest and you can vote for me everyday between March 1st and 15th. Yes some of the other girls are better but hey - you know me right?!

http://www.myvintagehut.com/pinups.htm

ow

Turns out having a huge needle stuck through your stomach hurts... a lot. Ouch ow bloody hell it nips! Feeling a little queasy but otherwise ok. Get results tomorrow, and hoping to deliver on Wednesday. They're estimating her weight at 6 lbs 12 oz although these things are often out somewhat. Roll on tomorrow - I hate waiting!

Happy 80th Oscar

"I'd like to thank my Mother, for giving me the determination to succeed, my husband for making my dreams possible and my children for making them come true."

I felt so joyous watching the Oscars tonight. Seeing people be so happy and hearing them thank all their amazing, supportive influences is truly inspiring. Someone once said to me that actors deserve no more respect than anyone else - why should they be put on a pedestal above us regular folks. I disagree with this statement for one reason only. Actors have the amazing ability to bring our imaginations to life. When watching films one is transported to a dream world that can make us feel laugh out loud happy or sob in our seats sad. And who didn't feel empowered watching my fellow Scot Gerard Butler in 300? Maybe it's just there are some people in this life who don't give themselves permission to believe. Watching James McAvoy in the front row tonight gave me hope that my little brother will make it there too one day. That anything is possible. Films have brought me such joy at times when I felt very low, and made me feel humble and thankful. I remember coming out of the Matrix and kick boxing my way down the street with my friends. At that moment we felt like life was for living. Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, John Wayne, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Jack Nicholson, Sean Connery, Dustin Hoffman - these men are legends - pure and simple. On screen they take you away from whatever strife life is throwing at you and suddenly your hanging off their every word, living the dream. Your heart pounds, you're on the edge of your seat, you jump at the scary bits, you laugh hysterically at the funny bits. For bringing this kind of joy and humility actors deserve every bit of praise they get. On a slightly worrying note the wonderful Dario Marianelli won an Oscar for Best Score for Atonement (which McAvoy starred in - go James!!).... while this is good news for Dario, after all he is one of the best in his business - it is slightly odd for me. Last time I gave birth my charts were mixed up with someone with the surname Marianelli - thus meaning my newborn was thrust into the "may have a horrible disease" category! I'm hoping this isn't a sign from the Gods that a similar fate awaits me this time!

Wednesday 27th February 2008

Is my induction day. The waitings almost over. In 8 days time I'm finally going to be able to breath again. No more heart burn. No more rib breaking pain. It feels a little weird having a definite day but there's also always the chance I will have her naturally in the next week too. My bag is packed. The children are ready to go off to Nonnos. The house is somewhat tidy and fairly clean. Even the dogs are freshly bathed! Oh and that longed for Margarita is ever closer :)

amore

Happy Valentines Day to all. Here follows a sonnet written by Francesco Petrarca from his "Rime in vita e morta di Madonna Laura" collection from back in the 1300s. It doesn't translate well into English, but if you know Italian you'll get the jist. And yes ok the fact that he was passionately in love with someone with my name may have something to do with why I love his work!

Era il giorno ch'al sol si scoloraro
per la pietà del suo factore i rai,
quando ì fui preso, et non me ne guardai,
chè i bè vostr'occhi, donna, mi legaro.

Tempo non mi parea da far riparo
contra colpi d'Amor: però m'andai
secur, senza sospetto; onde i miei guai
nel commune dolor s'incominciaro.

Trovommi Amor del tutto disarmato
et aperta la via per gli occhi al core,
che di lagrime son fatti uscio et varco:

Però al mio parer non li fu honore
ferir me de saetta in quello stato,
a voi armata non mostrar pur l'arco.

Congrats

...to my fantastic husband! The game he designed, wrote and programmed - Call of the Pharaoh - just won the mobile phone game of the year award :) The awards were handed out tonight at the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona. Sadly due to my condition he was unable to flit off to Spain to accept it and rub shoulders with Robert Redford and company, but his boss is there celebrating enough for everyone!

Miss Liliana update

I had an ultrasound yesterday and she is finally head down, ready to go. Thank goodness. Her weight is estimated at 5 lbs 10oz and her body is measuring around the 36-37 wk mark. They said to expect her anytime now. I'm hoping she stays put another week at least so her weight increases a bit. The thought of having another baby in NICU is not a good one. Anyway, what will be - will be. Oh and I finally finished all the laundry and unpacking from Christmas!

Unicorns among us?

A rare white stag has been spotted in Scotland. The location of the animal, which is closely identified with the unicorn, is being kept a secret as the last one was shot and killed by poachers. White deer appear a lot in Celtic mythology, they consider them messengers from another world. White stags are often mistaken for albinos, but their light coloring is caused by a condition called leucism, and they have normal eye coloring, not the red eyes of albinos.

some pig

My children's favorite movie for a while was Charlotte's Web so I'm sure they'll appreciate this lovely baby. He's a Gloucester Old Spot pig born 10 days ago in England. It's the first time the breeder's had a piglet with a heart shaped spot, and just in time for Valentines. He's so cute!

Spring has sprung

Well at least it has in the UK, my crocuses are barely visible. In England daffodils have been spotted as early as December and snowdrops are over already. Ducklings and tiny chicks have hatched, and tortoises are out of hibernation. Although cheering, this is not necessarily good news. There are fears that a return of the cold weather will have harsh results for wildlife and flora. Speaking of good and bad. This picture reminds me of the year I had a box of 50 chicks in my bedroom as it was too chilly for them to be in the hen house. I was around 7 years old at the time. I remember picking one special one that would be mine, he had a little brown patch of fluff so I thought he was unique. He died twice. My Mum had to do mouth to mouth in a desperate bid to save my little chicken. I think in the end the foxes got him, as well as the one duck I picked out as my own. I think I stuck to horses after that!

pearly white

I found this un-worked shot from my last photo-shoot. Even with my shiny face and the hand prints on the floor I like it because I'm smiling. It must be true when people say that if you smile at yourself in the mirror you feel better, because this shot uplifted me on this gloomy day. It also gives me some hope in remembering that I was not always a beached whale - even at 4 months pregnant! I'm really looking forward to getting back in shape, and modeling again.

heartbreaker

This picture of a mother whale and her calf was released by the Australian government in an attempt to draw some attention to the Japanese whalers currently in the act of their annual cull. I will never understand Japans need to kill whales for what they call scientific research. They say they need to kill them in order to study them. Absurd.

God Bless America

I received my official congratulations letter from immigration this morning. I am now a lawful US resident, as opposed to my previous status of legal alien. Nice. Over fours years of dealing with the CIS, and now it's all over. Phew. And yes those are bald eagle chicks, kind of scary looking - no?

blue

I barely have the energy to get dressed anymore. Gosh the last weeks drag. I have hours when I feel motivated to get on with things around the house, then longer hours where I just want to sleep, but can't because of the other children needing me. Then there are feelings of excitement that the baby's nearly here, and planning things like window displays and packaging for my new boutique, followed by periods of darkness where every inch of my body aches and I can't breathe because the baby's head's in my ribs. It's awful not having family here to help - I really miss my Mother at this point. I detest this stage of pregnancy. What makes it worse is getting the emails from the baby firms that say get your rest now, because in a few weeks you'll get no sleep for months. Somewhat ironic seen as I am spending all night every night awake - tossing and turning to try to get in a position where I can breathe and bits of me don't hurt. Le sigh...

miracles

This is the dramatic moment when a two year old was thrown from a third floor window of a burning building in Ludwigshafen, Germany. The child was safely caught by a policeman, but sadly 9 other people, including 5 children died in the blaze. 60 other people were injured in the fire, which was believed to have been started by neo-Nazis. I can't imagine the torture the parents went through having to make this decision, and it isn't known if they got out alive; but at least this lucky toddler will live to see another day.

UPDATE: The baby's parents survived, however his 2 year old brother did not.

WE WONNNNNNN!!!!!!!

Yeah ok I can claim to be a New Yorker when the goings good! There's cheering and fireworks in the street, and all feels good in the City tonight. Let the good times roll.

6 more..

...weeks of winter, according to the lovely furry groundhog Phil. The above pic was taken on our mammoth road trip to Punxsutawney 2 years ago. I was pregnant with my 3rd child at the time. I remember secretly trying to take photos of the Amish people, and praying God or whoever was not watching!

Happy February

Snow - I expect, but rain? Maybe - but not this much! Big drops have been falling since I woke up, and it doesn't look like stopping any time soon. It puts me in mind of my favorite Jack Vettriano painting "The Singing Butler". A print of which, hangs in my Mothers office at our family home in Scotland. For those of you who don't know Jack Vettriano is a Scottish artist born in the 50s, who happens to share the same Birthday as my eldest daughter. His paintings remind me of the old Rat Pack guys, and now the Oceans films. Think Film Noir. He is often criticized for his style of painting, but his use of light is what makes his work amazing to me.

30s in the 00s

According to a British survey, women in their 30s have ditched the Sex in the City lifestyle in favor of a more home based one. When asked whose lifestyle they most envied, domestic goddess Nigella Lawson came on top. Only 1 percent said work was the most important thing in their life. It states that 59 per cent would rather work part-time and 36 per cent would like to be "a full-time mum". This compares to a decade ago when they worked long hours rarely stopping for lunch and threw themselves into evening and weekend partying. The idea of babies and having a nice home were far from their minds. I have friends who are full time mothers and I have friends who, like me run their businesses from home. I must say for me being able to be home with the children and work while I do that is the ideal solution. It would be heartbreaking for us as a family to not only have my husband working out fo the home all day long, but also to have me be away from them. I can't imagine what makes women want to return to work within a few weeks/months of giving birth, sticking their little children in day cares for others to raise, quite often with awful consequence. Many of these places just have one person for 10 or more children, it's no wonder these children often end up attention seeking and causing trouble. In my opinion if one of the couple can't afford to be home to look after the child for the first few years, they should wait to have children. Obviously it's different if the marriage breaks down, and the then single Mother or Father has no choice but to work. But in this day and age, of computers and such, it is possible for a Mother to somewhat continue her career at home, while being with her babies. Yes there are some careers that are impossible to maintain while at home, but we as parents need to adapt and survive in order to give our children the best of the best. And by doing this we will create a better future for all.

amazing art

Genius artist Guido Daniele from Milan, paints hands instead of canvas - and to great effect!

almost over

As I enter the final month of my pregnancy, I must say wow - it's flown by! I don't know if it's because I'm busy with the other children, or because I still have so much to do, whatever the reason I am grateful. I've gained a respectable 16 lbs to date, so hopefully it won't take too long to get back in shape. I always felt sorry for friends who gained 40+lbs and then felt miserable about themselves post baby. They lost so much happiness stressing over what they looked like, instead of feeling the pure relief that comes from not being pregnant anymore. Oh and enjoying the beautiful baby as well! This pregnancy has gone fairly smoothly, in comparison to my previous traumas. It feels comforting being at the stage that if something happens and delivery is needed, all will be well. I'm looking forward to watching how my toddlers interact with the baby, and how the house suddenly becomes more love-filled and brighter following the new arrival. I can't wait to be able to take a full breath again and eat without getting heartburn. To be able to clean and tidy without feeling out of breath and dizzy. All in all in 4 weeks I will be one happy bunny.

bears

For starters let me say, I am usually against human and bear or any other wild animal interaction, so you'll never see me at a circus. That being said I just had to write something about this, partly because it's about a bear, one of my favorite animals and partly because that bear spent the last years of his colorful life in Scotland. Recruited by the Second Polish Transport Company during the Second World War Voytek was a bear like no other. Having lost his mother at an early age he was found wandering in the hills of Iran by the Polish. The men fed him condensed milk and let him sleep in one of their washing up bowls. He would cry when left alone and cover his eyes when they told him off. When he got older they trained him to carry mortar shells. After being deployed to Italy in 1944 to supply Allied troops with food and ammunition, the only way to take their bear with them was to officially enlist him - so he was given a name, rank and number. Voytek travelled in the munitions trucks, his head hanging out of the window, ignoring almost constant shellfire. His job was to deliver 25lb boxes of shells down the line. In his spare time he would wrestle with the men, and was said to enjoy the occasional beer! When the war ended he and his fellow troops were sent to Scotland and he lived the rest of his life in Edinburgh Zoo, dying in 1963. There's now a campaign under way to erect a permanent memorialfor the wonderful Voytek and I for one am all for it!

a warning for men...

I am not alone in my views. I know many women who are just like me, and will follow the same paths I do. It's who we are. It's what we are. You see, I believe in love. Not just love for the sake of love, but the pure, undying kind of love you see in the movies, and read about in history books. For this reason I will never have an affair. Don't get me wrong - lust is my life. But it can't be on it's own - there has to be love behind it. The true love-lust gives you butterflies every time you kiss that "one" special person. I know friends who married because they'd been together so long that it felt like the next step - the only step they could take. That isn't me. This is, remember, my second marriage - for very good reasons. I won't have affairs to satisfy my need - but I will jump, faster than you can say "bags packed?" I am not afraid of thunder. No one has dumped me since high school. I have been the dumper. And always, because I need the best of the best. I will not settle. You see we are the women who fly like eagles until we meet our fellow swans.

My new car

Lord have mercy on my bank account... hey what's a couple of million when you have a Bugatti parked in your garage!

a sight for sore eyes

Wow, is all I can really say! Imagine looking up at all the pretty normal looking balloons and BAM a big 156 foot high Scotsman flees past haha... that's so cool. This weekend is the International Balloon Festival in Switzerland, so Muir Moffat decided as he's quote 110% Scottish that this would be his ideal balloon! It's perfect.

Diamonds are a girls best friend

The massive Cullinan diamond, found on this day in 1905, weighing in at over 3100 carats, was the largest gem quality diamond ever found. The largest polished stone cut from the diamond is known as the Great Star of Africa which held the record until 1985 for being the largest cut diamond weighing in at over 530 carats. Bada bling for sure!

to all my fellow Scots

Have a great Robbie Burns Day! Have some Haggis for me, as sadly the only stuff I can get my hands on is the canned variety and it doesn't quite have the same ingredients due to the food laws here - enough said!

the end of a sad week

I wanted to post this excerpt from the death notice Heath Ledgers Father published in the West Australian Newspaper, because when I read it I cried.

"My beautiful boy, so loving, so talented, so independent, so caring, so young . . . no more chess games mate . . . this is it, couldn't beat you anyway! My body aches for the sound of your voice, our chats, our laughs and our life and times together."

I can't imagine losing my son. His due date was the 22nd January, the same day Ledger died, 3 years on. You aren't meant to bury your children. My heart goes out to the families of all who have lost sons and daughters. Family for me is the most important thing. As I get older, and slightly wiser, I realize this more and more. Every time I leave Scotland it gets harder to say goodbye to my family, my Mother and especially my Grandmother. I am so close to my 3 brothers, we can read each other without speaking. Maybe Heath Ledgers death is harsher for me because my cousin hung himself just a few years ago. He was around the same age, and had a daughter around the same age as Ledgers. He lived much of his life in Perth where Heath was born and raised, and he died there. Please God I wish the damned media would back the hell away from Ledgers. Seeing the funeral parlor on the news tonight surrounded by paparazzi was soul destroying. Even more so was seeing pictures of his body being taken from the apartment and watching his ex-fiancee arrival back to her Brooklyn home carrying their 2 yr old child. We, should never witness things like that. It's not our news. It's their personal and very private business. Let them grieve in peace for heavens sake.

June 21st 2008

That's my D-day re getting the baby weight off and my body back looking fabulous! I'm doing the mermaid parade in Coney Island. This will be my first year and could be the last parade until the renovations are complete, so it'll be a special occasion for all - I'm busy searching for tails as I type :-D

babies make everything better

In an attempt to now lower my blood pressure I have to post cute pictures, hah

Are you serious?

I mean are you fucking kidding me here?! Another one heading straight to hell - British man John Hogan has just been cleared - cleared I tell you - of murdering his son. Honest to goodness - put me in that judges wig. Apparently the fact that he has - oh you know mental problems, means that he in the words of the judge was "incapable of murdering his son and he needs to be in a psychiatric unit for therapy". The freaking idiot threw his 6 year old son from a balcony and then grabbed his 2 year old and jumped, saying he was "walking them to heaven".

the devil wears a Baptist shirt...

I just read that lunatic Fred Phelps is to protest at Heath Ledgers funeral as God hates the gays don't you know. And of course Brokeback Mountain was real and Heath was not acting in it. I guess his daughter was conceived immaculately. Idiotic Phelps will get the shock of his life when the one who opens the gates on his demise is wearing horns and a red tail. I once supplied 50 American flags to a group of bikers who ride at the side of soldiers funerals to keep this man and his like at bay. Maybe I can call on Christopher Streets finest and see if they'd like to form a rainbow and sparkles wall around his house so he never leaves it again.

from here to maternity

8 months in.... not long now (thank goodness) hah

RIP

They just found Australian actor Heath Ledger dead in his apartment in Manhattan. It would appear he died of a drug overdose. I feel sick. Not because I knew him personally, and not because he was of Scottish decent, but because he was young. And in my eyes it's always more tragic when a young life ends. One with a promising career, one with a young child. One with hope, and now hope is gone.

RIP 1979 - 2008

a beautiful life

All of these wonderfully colorful letters come from the patterns on the wings of moths and butterflies.

isn't it ironic? Don't you think?...

I discovered yesterday that J.M. Barrie's play Peter Pan opened in 1904 - on my Birthday! This is close to my heart because James Barrie spent his teenage years in Dumfriesshire on the banks of the very river I grew up around. He played pirate games with his friends, later going on to write Peter Pan based on these times.

wired..

So my MRI and MRA both showed no major problems, however my doc still wants me to get wired up next week to look for any sign of brain seizures. I'm hoping I won't need as many of them as this little angel. The 5 month old had 128 probes attached to her scalp to monitor electromagnetic brain activity, which scientists will use to gather information they hope could lead to a breakthrough in the understanding of autism.

what the hell

So I used to think the UK was the Nanny state, now the USA seems to be catching up! What with smoking and trans fats bans, alongside the genius idea to ban cold meds for the under 6s - what the hell guys?! So now every time my almost 3 under 6s have colds I have to trek off to the doctor with them to get a cough suppressant or decongestant? Oy Vey!

update

I have to go for an MRI and MRA on Friday then next week have electrodes strapped to my head to monitor brain activity :( My blood pressure spiked again tonight. The neurologist mentioned brain seizures here's hoping next week they say the magical words a la Schwarzenegger - it's not a tumor :)

the end of an era

Rent the musical ends on Broadway in June. I loved that show, so this news saddens me. They say all good things must come to an end, but I really think they could have gone on with it for years to come. I'm off out shortly for an appointment with a Neurologist. Although I can't have MRIs or Cat Scans hopefully they'll be able to come to some conclusion about the blurred vision and headaches I've been suffering from since my blood pressure spiked last week.

Captain Jack

As if I needed another reason to adore him, haha - not likely. I read this morning that Johnny Depp has donated £1 million to Great Ormond St Children's Hospital. Very honorable, especially after they saved his daughters life when her kidneys failed after contracting E.Coli last year. But that isn't why my love for this great man grew a little more this morning. It was on reading that last year he secretly visited the children in hospital dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow and read stories to them for four hours - how magical! The best part was this was done in private with no media circus. He is a true inspiration.

Where's the snow?

After reading for 3 days that NYC was to be hit with the first major snowstorm of 2008 I was quite looking forward to building snowmen with my son and taking some icy pictures. However it was not to be, as it turned to rain instead. It's January, I want my snow. The pictures I took in Central Park in a previous post were taken in April. The weather is crazy these days. Although more impressive than my snowmen here is a glorious sculpture currently on display at the Ice and Snow Festival in China. Standing at 115 feet high and 656 feet long, I bet it looks awesome to these tourists.

RIP Fish II

So tonight Fish the second passed away. We had him 4 days. To some people a fish is, well a fish. To me when any heart stops beating the world should stand still - even if just for a second. So as I scooped him up in an old Winnie the Pooh beaker, I sang a sad goodbye song, and flushed him back from whence he came. Now I have a Coldplay song running through my head, especially the lyrics "the light will guide you home". You see Fish IIs death makes me think of death in general. While resting my weary legs I watched some evening fodder. Runs House was on. It brought me to thinking about their baby, who died shortly after birth when she was born with her vital organs on the outside. I wonder how people can ever come to terms with tragedy like that. And more so, to have Rev. Run go on to be the strong inspirational man he is. I think with loss comes reasoning, if that makes sense. I think it brings you to look at things differently. Things are put in perspective. I hope I never have to deal with the same level of pain they endured, but if I do I hope I can grow from it and be wiser in the end.

who is Joe?

I can't live without my morning cup of coffee, or my 4 o'clock cup for that matter. But out of all the names there are for the brown gold just why the heck call it Joe? Turns out there's no clear explanation. The term goes back to the mid 19th century, and although there are many theories on it's origin it could just be that Americans at that time misheard the French word chaud, which when said correctly sounds kind of like Joe.

Sunset

Here's another beautiful photograph my Mum took of the sunset from her garden....

2 years ago today

Happy Birthday to my magical little girl Angelina :)

a 10 minute nap

...just turned into a 2 hour deep snooze, but boy did it feel good :)

one of those days

It's been a while since I had one of those days where everything seemed to go right. My bus arrived just as I got to the stop, the crosswalk lights changed to walk just as I went to cross the road. I had a good feeling, like I could tackle anything. Luckily this mornings ultrasound showed everything is well with the baby, except for her being upside down! I've spent the past few hours reading up on how best to position myself to give her room to turn, so I'm hoping I will avoid the horrible C word. She will probably be making an appearance in 6 weeks, which should give me just enough time to complete my to do list, which seems to get longer every day! Her current weight is 3 lbs 3oz.

Post 101

so it calls for a dalmation... and RIP to Fish, my beta who died this week :(

100 posts....

I wish it was a good one, but just an update. I spent yesterday in hospital with 140/97 blood pressure - they let me go when it hit 130/85, which is still super high for me. Today I have to go back to hospital for scans to make sure every thing's ok on the inside. I still haven't unpacked or caught up with the laundry. Feeling a little gloomy today.

Shameless Promotion

I've only been back a day but already I miss my homeland. Dumfriesshire is such a beautiful county, as is Cumbria where this picture was taken, which borders Dumfries & Galloway to the south. Before we left 2 weeks seemed like a long time to be away, but the time just flew by. It seemed more like 2 days. I didn't get to see many of my friends, there just wasn't time. It's my sons 3rd Birthday tomorrow, and as my youngest daughter turns 2 next Friday, we're throwing a big party for them tomorrow. I painted the babies room yesterday, in one day - 2 coats, even though I got up at 5.30am, I'm on overdrive at the moment.