this is my message to you

Call it what you want. I would say here begins my rise to fame. But celebrity is not my goal. So instead here begins my journey to completion. Today marks the day when I woke up. On Friday Liliana started sleeping through the night 12 - 6am, which meant that at 6.30am this morning I listened to my heart and got up out of bed and went running. I ran for 25 minutes in the rain, and it felt great! I got home, did 10 minutes of sit-ups and some toning, and now I feel empowered to continue. Yesterday I cried, I felt so bad about myself. Today I feel like everything is in reach. For years when I felt at my lowest, I would listen to Bob Marleys "Three Little Birds" from an album released the year I was born. The birds told him not to worry and that everything would be alright. This morning when I looked out of my window a little chick sat there chirping away, fluffy down still covering his body. He flew for what could have been the first time. That marked the beginning for him and it gave me a feeling that there is still something watching over me. I know I can realize my goals. I just need to keep on keeping on. My plan for the next month is to keep running, eat better, sleep more. In 4 weeks I start dance classes and vocal training. I'm doing a series of pin-up shoots beginning in July and from that point on I will be opening as many doors as possible. I am excited for my new tomorrow.

The King of Queen

I was just watching some You Tube clips of Queen at Live Aid '85 - I can't believe I forgot how much I loved them! It's not something I have on my ipod or on the car stereo, so I guess I lost them somewhere along the way. Freddie was the ultimate stage-man - so alive, vibrant - such an awesome performer. He makes me smile so easily. Greatly missed. Also he reminded me of Borat so much when he was sitting on the stage in his white underwear. (Sacha Baron Cohen is allegedly signed to play him in a movie).

die another day

Either the new Bond is going to be the best yet or all of the bad karma that seems to be floating around will doom it. Within 5 days an Aston Martin on its way to the set plunged into Lake Garda, and a stuntman has been left in a coma after his car collided with a lorry and crashed into a wall. The latest incidents come just a month after the mayor of Sierra Gorda in Chile, drove on set to complain that the filmmakers had not asked his permission.

for baby

New York City's hospitals are to introduce new technology that simulates the Mother's womb for its premature babies. It will include low lights and special sound monitors that will flash when a neonatal unit becomes too noisy for the babies. When my daughter was in the NICU I was astonished by how loud it was in there, even at night. They had loud alarms going off almost constantly. Every time I held her and accidentally disconnected a wire the noise would make her jump and shudder. The project hopes to complete by the end of 2009.

strange

NYPD Harbor and SCUBA units patrolling the United Nations this afternoon saw a four-foot long beaver swimming in the East River. The 40 lb animal was transported to an animal hospital on the Upper West Side, with breathing difficulties. It's no wonder the poor thing was in distress, the East River's not the cleanest!

My Mother's daughter

As soon as I saw these pictures my husband took tonight I thought of my Mother - who has an amazing ability to either look totally serious or punch drunk in every picture of her! Five weeks on, Liliana seems to get bigger every minute. Seems like yesterday she was curled up in a tiny ball, now she stretches and uncurls into a bundle of blubber. Time really does fly when you're having fun.

Nothing grows in our garden, only washing. And babies.

Dylan Thomas

The blossoms out on the tree in the back garden. Tiny balls of green bursting larger every day. I'm hoping they fall in time for a gathering we're having next month, as they'll coat the ground with something other than dirt! Out front our bulbs are all up, so that's nice. I guess Spring is here to stay. Although I do remember an April snowfall in 2004 that left us with over a foot of the white stuff. I repainted my kitchen blue, reflecting my mood of now. Which is relaxed as opposed to the other blue. The baby has started sleeping 4 hours, which is a blessing. Like the garden, I am starting to wake up.

Men are just like children

They need their naps! I'm sure my husband will be adding the MetroNaps EnergyPod to his list of work-must-haves. Designed to isolate the user from their environment with music and lights while angling your body to take pressure off the heart. Vibrations, brighter lights and more lively music awake the sleeper after around 20 minutes. The pod costs around $600 a month - and is said to increase work rate by over 30% - a sound investment!

RIP Charlton Heston

October 4th 1924 - April 5th 2008

He starred in some of my favorite movies from yesteryear, and will always be a legend in my eyes.

Ladies Day

I would never usually let a WAG (Wifes and Girlfriends of British footballers) name pass my lips for imo they're a bunch of glorified whores, but I give credit where credits due! Alex Curran looked fantastic at Ladies Day at the Grand National horse racing meet. There is an article in the UKs Daily Mail newspaper that shows many pictures of other women there, and it's frankly an embarrassment. Ladies Day used to be just that - ladies dressed in their finest with amazing hats teetering about looking beautiful. In 2008 however, that song - who let the dogs out - comes to mind. Le sigh.

fishy fish fish

So my blue gourami died, and turned out my other 2 gouramis had been fin nipping it - and looks like they may have killed the other tetra too. So what have I done to rectify my little tank bullying problem? I bought a shark! :) He's 5 inches long and looks like he has a hammer head, although I must stress he is not an actual hammerhead! So far the gouramis are hiding, and peace has been restored.

it's a sad day

Not only did one of my Neon Tetras get sucked into the filtration pipe and a Blue Gourami is looking non too healthy afloat the top of my tank; but also the New York Aquarium's 43-year-old sand tiger shark Bertha has died. She measured around 7 feet in length and weighed over 270 lbs. Bertha was brought to the Aquarium by local fishermen in 1965. Although the actual lifespan of them is not known Bertha was believed to be the longest living tiger shark in an aquarium.

the king of the rain

When I lived in Los Angeles, Counting Crows were very much a part of my life from the guy singing on the car stereo to the guy next to me in the bar. Unlike some, who consider their style of music depressing, I find their music reviving. The way Adam sang about the rain all the time was the first thing that got me into them and in turn is what made me like him as a person. The rain can be code for so many things, life, renewal, pain. To me it's everything. My favorite CC song is Goodnight Elisabeth, whenever I hear it I have so many good memories flood back - "if you wrap yourself in daffodils, I will wrap myself in pain, and if you're the queen of California, baby I am the king of the rain"... "Elisabeth" was sunshine to his rain. A bright light for his darkest days. It's raining here today and to many it would be dreary, to me it brings hope of a new tomorrow. New flowers in the garden, new puddles for the children to jump in. A better life ahead and beautiful memories of yesterday. One of my best memories from LA was one night when a group of us drove out to Joshua Tree to watch the biggest meteor storm I'd ever seen. We drank bourbon and eggnog and lay on flatbed trucks for hours staring up at thousands of falling stars. I phoned my Mum in Scotland at what must have been 4am my time and I remember I was in tears I was so happy at being able to experience something so amazing. Mother Nature is truly awesome. I saw these wonderful photographs taken by storm chasers Mike Hollingshead and Eric Nguyen - to me they managed to capture the hidden beauty in these powerful storms that others so rarely get to experience in person.

those baby blues

Italian author Cesare Pavese famously said "We do not remember days, we remember moments." I find this to be the case more so now I have children than ever before. Those Mothers who write their babies every move in baby books so the exact date Junior first spat out peas are beyond me. I cherish the simple things. Just now it's the way Liliana looks at me when I'm feeding her. Her small bird like eyes bright and alive darting from my left to right eyes, never breaking her glances until she falls asleep in a milk-drunken stupor. I love the way her skin is so soft like silk, I can't stop kissing her chubby cheeks. And I love how looking at her brings back the moments from the other children's early life. There are so many similarities in the way she looks at me, her big nose, her fluffy chicken hair. I'm in a good place right now albeit a very sleepy one!

Happy Easter!

Spring has sprung

It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade. ~Charles Dickens

I think this captures this year very well. I love Spring, and everything that goes with it. When I was a child Spring meant new ducklings and chickens to play with. Tiny bunnies would appear in the garden, ready to eat my mothers newest seedlings. In the surrounding farmland calves and lambs danced in the bright daylight. This year for us it means a tiny bundle of joy to cuddle and the prospect of more happiness to come everyday as our baby grows. For me - today brings feelings of excitement over the year to come and all it will bring.

I take my hat off to..

Veeramuthu Kalimuthu - who while awaiting his number 1 train in Manhattan last Friday saw a man fall onto the tracks. He immediately jumped onto the tracks, pulled the unconscious man up to the platform where others helped get him to safety. Kalimuthu then ran back across the tracks to catch his train.

Happy St Patricks Day

Studies have found that the antioxidant compounds in Guinness are similar to those found in vegetables and fruits, and are beneficial to the heart because they slow down the deposit of harmful cholesterol on the artery walls. So drink up!

the early days

The first few years of a childs life are so full of magic and excitement. I am blessed to share every special moment with my two and three year old. Whether it's my son singing song after song and creating elaborate adventure stories with his trains or my daughter hugging her dolly with her eyes shut as if there were never a love more real, every second is heaven to me. There's no better time for me than early mornings, when they pile into our bed with their various cuddly toys, big hugs and echoes of "morning mummy". I would have thought now that I'm nursing night and day and existing on a few hours of broken sleep, I would be less enthralled in their comings and goings - but somehow it all seems more dreamlike. Having my husband home this week to share these memories has made everything in life seem just right. The first week home with my newborn has me excited for what she'll bring to our family. I am totally in awe of her already, and thankfully her siblings adore her! Holding her tiny body with her knees drawn tight to her stomach and staring at her teeny pudgy face is all I need to remind myself that every ache and pain and the lack of sleep is completely worth it.

the unflattering hospital pic...

Liliana arrived at 5.07 pm on March 7th weighing 7 lbs 2 oz

Tomorrow at 7am

I will be hooked up and ready to go... My husband is guessing 7 lbs 5 oz, my Mother 7 lbs 6 oz (my birth weight) - however I'm going for a more easily pushed out 6 lbs 10 oz! I'm praying for a speedy and pain-free (haha) delivery regardless of the weight!

Idol

So I'll start by saying that we don't watch TV in this house. But for some reason I'm hooked on American Idol. I make my husband download it so I can watch it late at night while he kills bad guys on Halo. Maybe it's because Simon Cowell reminds me of my elder brother so much, and I need something to cling to at this late stage of pregnancy, but I'm loving it. It was the guys tonight. Until now I had 2 favorites - Jason Castro and Michael Johns. Jason is this absolutely beautiful young 20 yr old guy with a face that wouldn't look out of place in pre-raphaelite paintings. He comes across as very shy, timid and awkward, which could go against him, but he has the voice of an angel. Unique and empowering. Michael is everything I love about Ozzy blokes. He reminds me so much of my Australian friends back home in the UK, and sings in the same strong tones Michael Hutchinson did. I think he has a strong chance of winning. So those were my two. Then tonight, David Cook did one of the most amazing interpretations of a song I've ever heard. He took Lionel Richies "Hello" - and put an awesome rock spin on it. It was simply stunning. Here's the link courtesy of your friendly neighborhood youtube ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlbGpTa4Hso

The stork....

Finally my doctor let me know I'm being induced on Friday. Lucky number 7 :) So now of course knowing my luck she'll come on her own before then, but hey so long as she arrives healthy - I don't care!

Rock the VOTE!!!

Just found out you can vote once a day (every 24 hrs) until March 18th. I am in 3rd place now, so I need all the help I can get. If you have web on your phone you can vote from there as it's a different IP address..... :) Sneaky - me?

voting starts today

http://www.myvintagehut.com/pinups.htm

:)

Le sigh...

Doc says Miss Liliana isn't quite ready to come yet, so he can't induce BOOOOOOOO!! So unless she makes her own appearance, no baby for me tomorrow. Seeing him again Monday when he'll decide whether to induce March 5th.

Never a truer word spoken...

I read an interview Irish actor Colin Farrell did and found it extremely close to my heart. Farrells son has Angelman Syndrome, a neuro-genetic disorder that affects ones fine motor skills. His son walked for the first time last year, aged 4. It also affects speech. Of his son Farrell says he is happier than so many people in the world. "I look around and I see people who move perfectly, who walk with grace, who speak with great diction and clarity and a great use of the English language and we're all miserable fuckers – including me, at times. And then I see this fella who doesn't move the way what's perceived to be 'normal' is, and he's as happy as can be." My son was a late talker and often was hard to understand. Our doctor suggested early intervention at age 2. Luckily I had my husband to keep me grounded who said he is what he is and is as happy as can be and it will come. We used to watch other kids, run around speaking perfectly but being absolutely horrible to others and all that spouted from their mouths was hate. My son speaks fairly well now and is still the happiest little boy I know. And I will take that over what is perceived to be normal any day.

Vote For Me!!!

I'm in a pin-up contest and you can vote for me everyday between March 1st and 15th. Yes some of the other girls are better but hey - you know me right?!

http://www.myvintagehut.com/pinups.htm

ow

Turns out having a huge needle stuck through your stomach hurts... a lot. Ouch ow bloody hell it nips! Feeling a little queasy but otherwise ok. Get results tomorrow, and hoping to deliver on Wednesday. They're estimating her weight at 6 lbs 12 oz although these things are often out somewhat. Roll on tomorrow - I hate waiting!

Happy 80th Oscar

"I'd like to thank my Mother, for giving me the determination to succeed, my husband for making my dreams possible and my children for making them come true."

I felt so joyous watching the Oscars tonight. Seeing people be so happy and hearing them thank all their amazing, supportive influences is truly inspiring. Someone once said to me that actors deserve no more respect than anyone else - why should they be put on a pedestal above us regular folks. I disagree with this statement for one reason only. Actors have the amazing ability to bring our imaginations to life. When watching films one is transported to a dream world that can make us feel laugh out loud happy or sob in our seats sad. And who didn't feel empowered watching my fellow Scot Gerard Butler in 300? Maybe it's just there are some people in this life who don't give themselves permission to believe. Watching James McAvoy in the front row tonight gave me hope that my little brother will make it there too one day. That anything is possible. Films have brought me such joy at times when I felt very low, and made me feel humble and thankful. I remember coming out of the Matrix and kick boxing my way down the street with my friends. At that moment we felt like life was for living. Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, John Wayne, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Jack Nicholson, Sean Connery, Dustin Hoffman - these men are legends - pure and simple. On screen they take you away from whatever strife life is throwing at you and suddenly your hanging off their every word, living the dream. Your heart pounds, you're on the edge of your seat, you jump at the scary bits, you laugh hysterically at the funny bits. For bringing this kind of joy and humility actors deserve every bit of praise they get. On a slightly worrying note the wonderful Dario Marianelli won an Oscar for Best Score for Atonement (which McAvoy starred in - go James!!).... while this is good news for Dario, after all he is one of the best in his business - it is slightly odd for me. Last time I gave birth my charts were mixed up with someone with the surname Marianelli - thus meaning my newborn was thrust into the "may have a horrible disease" category! I'm hoping this isn't a sign from the Gods that a similar fate awaits me this time!

Wednesday 27th February 2008

Is my induction day. The waitings almost over. In 8 days time I'm finally going to be able to breath again. No more heart burn. No more rib breaking pain. It feels a little weird having a definite day but there's also always the chance I will have her naturally in the next week too. My bag is packed. The children are ready to go off to Nonnos. The house is somewhat tidy and fairly clean. Even the dogs are freshly bathed! Oh and that longed for Margarita is ever closer :)

amore

Happy Valentines Day to all. Here follows a sonnet written by Francesco Petrarca from his "Rime in vita e morta di Madonna Laura" collection from back in the 1300s. It doesn't translate well into English, but if you know Italian you'll get the jist. And yes ok the fact that he was passionately in love with someone with my name may have something to do with why I love his work!

Era il giorno ch'al sol si scoloraro
per la pietà del suo factore i rai,
quando ì fui preso, et non me ne guardai,
chè i bè vostr'occhi, donna, mi legaro.

Tempo non mi parea da far riparo
contra colpi d'Amor: però m'andai
secur, senza sospetto; onde i miei guai
nel commune dolor s'incominciaro.

Trovommi Amor del tutto disarmato
et aperta la via per gli occhi al core,
che di lagrime son fatti uscio et varco:

Però al mio parer non li fu honore
ferir me de saetta in quello stato,
a voi armata non mostrar pur l'arco.

Congrats

...to my fantastic husband! The game he designed, wrote and programmed - Call of the Pharaoh - just won the mobile phone game of the year award :) The awards were handed out tonight at the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona. Sadly due to my condition he was unable to flit off to Spain to accept it and rub shoulders with Robert Redford and company, but his boss is there celebrating enough for everyone!

Miss Liliana update

I had an ultrasound yesterday and she is finally head down, ready to go. Thank goodness. Her weight is estimated at 5 lbs 10oz and her body is measuring around the 36-37 wk mark. They said to expect her anytime now. I'm hoping she stays put another week at least so her weight increases a bit. The thought of having another baby in NICU is not a good one. Anyway, what will be - will be. Oh and I finally finished all the laundry and unpacking from Christmas!

Unicorns among us?

A rare white stag has been spotted in Scotland. The location of the animal, which is closely identified with the unicorn, is being kept a secret as the last one was shot and killed by poachers. White deer appear a lot in Celtic mythology, they consider them messengers from another world. White stags are often mistaken for albinos, but their light coloring is caused by a condition called leucism, and they have normal eye coloring, not the red eyes of albinos.

some pig

My children's favorite movie for a while was Charlotte's Web so I'm sure they'll appreciate this lovely baby. He's a Gloucester Old Spot pig born 10 days ago in England. It's the first time the breeder's had a piglet with a heart shaped spot, and just in time for Valentines. He's so cute!

Spring has sprung

Well at least it has in the UK, my crocuses are barely visible. In England daffodils have been spotted as early as December and snowdrops are over already. Ducklings and tiny chicks have hatched, and tortoises are out of hibernation. Although cheering, this is not necessarily good news. There are fears that a return of the cold weather will have harsh results for wildlife and flora. Speaking of good and bad. This picture reminds me of the year I had a box of 50 chicks in my bedroom as it was too chilly for them to be in the hen house. I was around 7 years old at the time. I remember picking one special one that would be mine, he had a little brown patch of fluff so I thought he was unique. He died twice. My Mum had to do mouth to mouth in a desperate bid to save my little chicken. I think in the end the foxes got him, as well as the one duck I picked out as my own. I think I stuck to horses after that!

pearly white

I found this un-worked shot from my last photo-shoot. Even with my shiny face and the hand prints on the floor I like it because I'm smiling. It must be true when people say that if you smile at yourself in the mirror you feel better, because this shot uplifted me on this gloomy day. It also gives me some hope in remembering that I was not always a beached whale - even at 4 months pregnant! I'm really looking forward to getting back in shape, and modeling again.

heartbreaker

This picture of a mother whale and her calf was released by the Australian government in an attempt to draw some attention to the Japanese whalers currently in the act of their annual cull. I will never understand Japans need to kill whales for what they call scientific research. They say they need to kill them in order to study them. Absurd.

God Bless America

I received my official congratulations letter from immigration this morning. I am now a lawful US resident, as opposed to my previous status of legal alien. Nice. Over fours years of dealing with the CIS, and now it's all over. Phew. And yes those are bald eagle chicks, kind of scary looking - no?

blue

I barely have the energy to get dressed anymore. Gosh the last weeks drag. I have hours when I feel motivated to get on with things around the house, then longer hours where I just want to sleep, but can't because of the other children needing me. Then there are feelings of excitement that the baby's nearly here, and planning things like window displays and packaging for my new boutique, followed by periods of darkness where every inch of my body aches and I can't breathe because the baby's head's in my ribs. It's awful not having family here to help - I really miss my Mother at this point. I detest this stage of pregnancy. What makes it worse is getting the emails from the baby firms that say get your rest now, because in a few weeks you'll get no sleep for months. Somewhat ironic seen as I am spending all night every night awake - tossing and turning to try to get in a position where I can breathe and bits of me don't hurt. Le sigh...

miracles

This is the dramatic moment when a two year old was thrown from a third floor window of a burning building in Ludwigshafen, Germany. The child was safely caught by a policeman, but sadly 9 other people, including 5 children died in the blaze. 60 other people were injured in the fire, which was believed to have been started by neo-Nazis. I can't imagine the torture the parents went through having to make this decision, and it isn't known if they got out alive; but at least this lucky toddler will live to see another day.

UPDATE: The baby's parents survived, however his 2 year old brother did not.

WE WONNNNNNN!!!!!!!

Yeah ok I can claim to be a New Yorker when the goings good! There's cheering and fireworks in the street, and all feels good in the City tonight. Let the good times roll.

6 more..

...weeks of winter, according to the lovely furry groundhog Phil. The above pic was taken on our mammoth road trip to Punxsutawney 2 years ago. I was pregnant with my 3rd child at the time. I remember secretly trying to take photos of the Amish people, and praying God or whoever was not watching!

Happy February

Snow - I expect, but rain? Maybe - but not this much! Big drops have been falling since I woke up, and it doesn't look like stopping any time soon. It puts me in mind of my favorite Jack Vettriano painting "The Singing Butler". A print of which, hangs in my Mothers office at our family home in Scotland. For those of you who don't know Jack Vettriano is a Scottish artist born in the 50s, who happens to share the same Birthday as my eldest daughter. His paintings remind me of the old Rat Pack guys, and now the Oceans films. Think Film Noir. He is often criticized for his style of painting, but his use of light is what makes his work amazing to me.

30s in the 00s

According to a British survey, women in their 30s have ditched the Sex in the City lifestyle in favor of a more home based one. When asked whose lifestyle they most envied, domestic goddess Nigella Lawson came on top. Only 1 percent said work was the most important thing in their life. It states that 59 per cent would rather work part-time and 36 per cent would like to be "a full-time mum". This compares to a decade ago when they worked long hours rarely stopping for lunch and threw themselves into evening and weekend partying. The idea of babies and having a nice home were far from their minds. I have friends who are full time mothers and I have friends who, like me run their businesses from home. I must say for me being able to be home with the children and work while I do that is the ideal solution. It would be heartbreaking for us as a family to not only have my husband working out fo the home all day long, but also to have me be away from them. I can't imagine what makes women want to return to work within a few weeks/months of giving birth, sticking their little children in day cares for others to raise, quite often with awful consequence. Many of these places just have one person for 10 or more children, it's no wonder these children often end up attention seeking and causing trouble. In my opinion if one of the couple can't afford to be home to look after the child for the first few years, they should wait to have children. Obviously it's different if the marriage breaks down, and the then single Mother or Father has no choice but to work. But in this day and age, of computers and such, it is possible for a Mother to somewhat continue her career at home, while being with her babies. Yes there are some careers that are impossible to maintain while at home, but we as parents need to adapt and survive in order to give our children the best of the best. And by doing this we will create a better future for all.

amazing art

Genius artist Guido Daniele from Milan, paints hands instead of canvas - and to great effect!