Rockaway

Spent the late part of the afternoon and the early part of tonight at Rockaway. The beach is fantastic. We collected sea glass and some amazing shells molded into perfect pendant shapes by the lashing Atlantic Ocean. I took this pic along with plenty others, so much opportunity there, I only wish my camera was faster!

August in NYC

I wish there were more air. August in NY - who'd have it?! I know it's not so long before Fall rolls in, so I can just about hold out until then. I'm going to most likely be on a local television show back home. My Granma loves the show, so I'm sure she'll get a kick out of it. The reporter will follow me around on my daily life here in NY, as an ex-pat. I'll have to start doing interesting things immediately, so my friends back home think "wow what an interesting life she has now" - haha. I was never voted most likely to succeed in school, we don't have that kind of thing in rural Scotland. But I always promised everyone I would get out and see the world, which I have, so all is calm. I'm almost finished designing my new shop site. Just a few more pages to go, then my wonderful husband has to put everything up, yay for having a computer whiz in my bed. I'm rescheduling my pin-up shoot to mid September, so my other site won't be up til October. Hey, at least I can think on, that when that's finally done the cold might actually have returned to the City - what a lovely thought!

Not waving

Being single, for me gave me a constant feeling of drowning. Being married is like coming ashore. I still get to sit on the sand and look out to the ocean, and remember the times when I was able to keep my head above water. But thank goodness I'm not gasping for breath anymore. One of my brothers painted a picture for my Mum a few years ago of a guy with his arm up, in the middle of the ocean. He called it "Not waving, but drowning", after the poem by Stevie Smith. For me being on my own was definitely like this. He recently ended a longterm relationship with a good friend of mine, and I worry for him. It's funny how I feel great about my other 2 brothers, both in relationships, but feel scared for the one who's single. Is it ever possible to distance our own feelings about something enough to see others can survive in that situation? I hope as I get older and wiser I learn to, because it's hard worrying about someone who is only 2 years younger than me.

EDIT: My single brother is not single anymore, so much so that he's on holiday with his girlfriend on a remote Scottish island - WHY AM I ALWAYS THE LAST TO KNOW!?! Hey but at least I feel good about him again :)

I need a phonecall

"These train conversations are passing me by
And I don't have nothing to say
You get what you pay for
But I just had no intention of living this way
I need a phone call
I need a plane ride
I need a sunburn
I need a raincoat
And I get no answers
And I don't get no change"

secret gardens

I've never not had a garden. The rowhouse shoebox I live in now, with surrounding apartment buildings blocking the sky, and undesirables throwing their daily trash onto my property certainly doesn't allow for one. When I was a child, and also when my eldest daughter was younger, we had wonderful gardens to exhaust ourselves in. My daughters favorite movie is still The Secret Garden. There's something magical about being able to let your children out the back door and watch them run off to smell the flowers and check on their vegetable patch. Or seeing your dogs get rid of their energy outside of your livingroom. The parks near me are full of people who've never heard of taking turns on the swings, and who let their children happily knock mine off the slide or the stairs, without telling them that's wrong. And with the majority of them not being able to understand English, it's a little hard for me to ask them kindly not to do that. When I was little I loved having a climbing frame and swings in my garden. I adored my little garden my Mummy planted with me. Watching things grow, learning to feed and water the plants. I did the same for my eldest. She was in heaven picking her own flowers she'd grown from seed. Being able to have a bbq in your garden, letting your kids laugh loudly and run around on the grass, your dogs bark, without worrying about complaints from your 2 feet away neighbors. These things aren't important to City types, but they're important to me. Children are only little for such a short time, when they hit the 8 or 9 yr mark, none of this matters so much anymore. It just makes me so sad to know that my little children will never have what they should have - freedom to be themselves.

puppies

Where the hell's the rain? Bring it on, and with it bring Fall. Who wants to be in NYC in August - not I. I hate not being able to breathe when I walk out of my AC-ed home. It's not the heat I can't take it's the damned humidity. I was in Alaska this time 3 years ago, it was warm but crisp, the air was clear. Oh how I wish I was there now! Speaking of the North - I got my Malamute puppy on Wednesday, havn't slept since! She howls all night, it's like sleeping amongst a pack of wolves, but without the danger. Sort of. News on a personal front - I'm expecting my 4th child in March. Easy way of announcing to all my friends, who I constantly spam to read this thing. My Pin-up shoot is 3 weeks tomorrow - I'm going to have to use and extra strong corset to keep bubba in check ;-)