It's the best feeling in the world when things seem to happen for a reason, out of the blue, serendipity. Confession time - I read Martha Stewart Living magazine. This months has a wonderful article about Montana - big sky country, I love it! There was a paragraph that stopped me in my tracks; it read "It is important to Hazel's father, Howard, that she experience the life as he once knew it: in a rustic setting where there are no computers and cell phone service is spotty at best. But there is the great outdoors to explore. There are cousins and grandparents, neighbors and friends. There is good food, and there is laughter."(credit to Kimberly Fusaro) As I read that article and looked at the photos of the huge trees, and vast space, I longed once again for my country life. I had a fleeting thought of heading for the hills, and all that entails. Then I put it to the back of my mind, and left it there. Got on with my big city life. Then tonight as I moved my husbands jeans, a quarter hit the floor. I picked it up and casually glanced at it - Montana 1889 Big Sky Country; call it a coincidence, I call it perfect.

I lasted three whole days haha.. I miss running (no energy). Looking after 2 toddlers is just too much on this food free fiasco! I will stick to the traditional exercise and moderation in what I eat thank you very much. Oh and the dizzyness, I fainted once and almost 2 other times, so alas this fast is not for me. I just started a new myspace page for my pin-up modelling - look out for belle bramble - and I found a great photographer who specializes in retro pics so all is looking bright. And I can eat a proper meal again - yay!

In preparation for my pictorial, and to be honest, because I like to try gimmicks - today is my first day on The Master Cleanse. Ten days of consuming spicy lemonade and nothing else - hmmm. I won't give you specific starting numbers and inches, but I will next Friday post how much weight I lost and whether I feel good or bad etc. I have detoxed before, and always felt better, but it's the sluggish days in the beginning I can't stand. So we'll see if I go the whole hog.. oh hog, pig, pork chops, bacon argh..

Why must there be an answer for everything? Why must everyone be classed as something other than plain ordinary. When I lived in Los Angeles, I couldn't believe how many people would tell me they were in anger management class, in Alcohol Anons or had a therapist to "handle childhood issues". When they went deeper into explaining the need for a therapist, turned out it was their therapist who decided they had childhood issues, they were blissfully unaware of this until their first session. After my cousin hung himself following years of drug addiction I did feel that serious things needed to be handled correctly - but why can't we handle the little things ourselves anymore? It seems half of young Hollywood is in Rehab, then they come out and they're back to their old ways, so what was the point? I read recently that child molestors and rapists are being classed as sex addicts. Whaa?! Why on earth do we need to class the creeps as anything other than in need of a bullet in the brain. I love sex, and all that goes with it, does that make me a sex addict too? Who was it.. Michael Douglas, I think, famously admitted he was a sex addict. Hang on, he is or was a hot actor living the life of Riley in LA, why can't he just be a cad, a cat, one of the guys? I am a hot headed Scot, with a big mouth to go with it, do I need anger management? Do I hell. Rant over.

When your child is very sick, it's like the world stops turning, and all that matters is holding your baby. I've been MIA of late due in part to my baby girl being in hospital with pneumonia. Being aged 1 with a 106 fever is no fun for anyone concerned. Neither was the 3am text of "I don't want to lose her" to my husband. Suddenly my world revolved around her and I didn't care about anything other than being able to take her home. The waiting of course is the hardest thing about anything. We waited for a test to come back for 2 days, that would say "take her home she'll be fine" or "there's a chance she won't make it". It's strange how suddenly I was able to stay awake for 48 hours without collapsing. And every time she made a squeak I was able to jump to her every need. Even though in my heart I knew it might not, I was able to look in her hysterical face and tell her it would be ok, when they were taking blood for the umpteenth time in the middle of the night. I compare it to my fear of flying. For days, weeks even, before I fly I am scared rigid, heart palpitations - the works. Then when the plane takes off, suddenly I feel a calm wash over me. It's out of my hands, whether I live or die isn't up to me anymore. When my baby was at her sickest I felt calm in the knowledge that their was nothing I could do to save her. So I closed my eyes, and held her close and told her all would be well, and fortunately it is.