Saturday, June 2, 2007

When your child is very sick, it's like the world stops turning, and all that matters is holding your baby. I've been MIA of late due in part to my baby girl being in hospital with pneumonia. Being aged 1 with a 106 fever is no fun for anyone concerned. Neither was the 3am text of "I don't want to lose her" to my husband. Suddenly my world revolved around her and I didn't care about anything other than being able to take her home. The waiting of course is the hardest thing about anything. We waited for a test to come back for 2 days, that would say "take her home she'll be fine" or "there's a chance she won't make it". It's strange how suddenly I was able to stay awake for 48 hours without collapsing. And every time she made a squeak I was able to jump to her every need. Even though in my heart I knew it might not, I was able to look in her hysterical face and tell her it would be ok, when they were taking blood for the umpteenth time in the middle of the night. I compare it to my fear of flying. For days, weeks even, before I fly I am scared rigid, heart palpitations - the works. Then when the plane takes off, suddenly I feel a calm wash over me. It's out of my hands, whether I live or die isn't up to me anymore. When my baby was at her sickest I felt calm in the knowledge that their was nothing I could do to save her. So I closed my eyes, and held her close and told her all would be well, and fortunately it is.

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